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I often think….
how can darkness and light sit with ease
side by side in a person?
But I have also learned that shadow is what gives us depth.
We all cast shadows… so even if you try to hide it
one will still detect that frantic movement!
But in my time I have seen countless devils unravel themselves into piles of nothing
Burning, ruining, tearing down every bridge to themselves
and WHY? My shadows are quite fond of me…. I keep them company and serve them tea!
But I know a crook who thinks probable cause to a lesser crime can be a distraction…
means to an end. But it never REALLY ends with you when you always bend and break the rules!
Others defend him standing in his filthy waters until he gets them from behind
they scream BURN THE WITCH, and throw facts all aside!
But every dead body drowned eventually rises, bloated and swollen… you CAN avert your eyes but you will never truly forget what you have seen! And...
surprise! Your lies are disrobing themselves! Falling dead into the light
I set my weapons down and just opened my mouth.
And I sit with my shadows now knowing it’s just a matter of time.
Time.
I am holding the hands of time. And don’t you see?
Every clock is on my side.
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2. |
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Follow me down... down to my history.
Meet me downtown... I'll show you another side of the story.
All of the places where we fell down, I'll give you dates and faces.
Well, we'll check the facts and extract the lie and single it out of his alibi.... My name is broken by anothers hands... they know my face, they know my band. But just lay it out and read between the lines, it won't line up (NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY). And now do you see? Who's really guilty... really guilty!
He's sticking holes, trying so desperately
to find anything on me (dirt under his nails, red hands)
Clasping at where I stand, slithering up his throne of stolen teeth he pleads
with his murder breath...... I'm not a thief!
Well, we'll check the facts and extract the lie and single it out of his alibi.... My name is broken by anothers hands... they know my face, they know my band. But just lay it out and read between the lines, it won't line up (NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY). And now do you see? Who's really guilty... really guilty!
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3. |
Broken Ballerina
03:56
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I'm glued together like a broken barbie. Limbs pop right out and my hair's ripped right from me. I used to pirouette (before I learned to....) Spinning circles over and over, swaying overhead. How is it that I'm 7" taller yet I feel significantly smaller than any girl around me (any girl considered healthy)
I've bled so much to date I'm just hollow, plastic needs. I just can't bleed don't let me see myself doing these awful things. They just happen... and then they happen to me. They just happen... and then they happen to me. They just happen... and then they happen to me....
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4. |
Lady of the Hour
03:41
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Those I let come closest to me will never know my honest name. When I truly sleep, I sleep alone... I've failed at my own game. It's a lonely way to go along--- holding tenderness for strangers. Every friend was scared away and love's grown quite endangered
But it's only 2 o'clock; I still have some time to find some company outdoors, I listen to the church bells chime that it's only 2 o'clock and I still have some time... I guess it's just too easy now to make my sadness rhyme!
Time passes slow the world is grey as I stumble along. My misery gets shitty company for what is love? LONG GONE! I make love to you to make you love me... but who the hell am I? I knew it once but a stitch came loose somewhere along the line...
But it's only 2 o'clock; I still have some time to find some company outdoors, I listen to the church bells chime that it's only 2 o'clock and I still have some time... I guess it's just too easy now to make my sadness rhyme!
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5. |
Pitch Black
05:05
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The same nothing in my room, laying in my bed. The same nothing as the walls that line my tired head. When I leave my body to get ravaged by anxiety, every breathe could be my last... I hope this madness passes fast
But I'm scared even knowing what's going on, knowing what's gonna happen. It doesn't matter--- it always feels like I'll pass faster...
PITCH. BLACK. The rope has slack. Killing time to make it out alive. And she said "it's all in your head!".... but repetition has me against the wall (remember, breathe, or you might fall) and she said "it's all in your head!".... but is it worth it in the end?
Are these my hands? She said instead, "I'm feeling faint!" and then she fled to wait it out. To bleed it out. To suck it out. To fuck it out. Say what you want--- it's not in my mind, my only concern is trying to SURVIVE. And I've been broken down, my name's covered in shit but nothing you say or do could be worse than THIS. Could be worse than...
PITCH. BLACK. The rope has slack. Killing time to make it out alive. And she said "it's all in your head!".... but repetition has me against the wall (remember, breathe, or you might fall) and she said "it's all in your head!".... but is it worth it in the end?
By definition I'm a lunatic, shaking in the dark.... The snow illuminated by the moon and stars that are supposed to make me strong. The trees I want to love cast shadows that chase me... The mind in my body sets traps of quivering nerves and painful synapses that throw me down (throw me down) bare and mental on the frozen ground...
and Mother is knocking... Mother is knocking... time is ticking...
madness is coming
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6. |
Never Really Gone
03:23
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I cut it out
of my arm
let it bleed
let the harm
in
You could stay away
let the blood run
I could leave this place
but it's never really gone
no.
I could bury my past
and all the things I've done
I could become a victim
i could believe you won.
And you'd say that it's okay
"just pretend it never happened"
throw it away. Set fire, burn the words
and throw the photos in the lake.
And decay could have its way
decay could have its way
decay could have its way with me
I'll never be free...
Cause it's never really gone
even here from where I sit
It'll find me in the night
it'll come on slow, but with a grasp
of ice.
breath of truth
from inside
but I tried to lie so that I could hide
but no...
it's never really gone.
it'll never go
It's never really gone
it's been done.
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Lady Laudanum Greenfield, Massachusetts
Lady Laudanum is the solo project of singer/songwriter Jessika Bat, begun in 2009. Rather difficult to categorize, Jessika
considers LL to be a kind of dark-electro/industrial with dark Victorian undercurrents.
As LL, Jessika has written, recorded, and released four records of music and one single. Her most recent EP is to be followed up by her first full-length album, "DRINK ME"
... more
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